#40. Fear - February 2012

The other day I had a brief flashback to what it felt like when my husband was going through his cancer treatments.  These days, I don’t think about cancer all the time; it’s something that only pops up every couple of days.  The thought of cancer used to grip me by the throat and shake me.  It’s hard to live that way, but when someone you love is facing suffering and death, you can’t avoid it.  I’m so glad we’ve walked through those times to a different space.

But those times are a part of us now. We have survived, but we can’t forget. When I think about donating a kidney, what motivates me is thinking that someone somewhere has this kind of fear in their life, whether it’s for themselves or their loved one, their beloved son or daughter, their mother or father.  Will dialysis be effective?  Will it be death by kidney failure?

I can’t think of anything I would rather do in life than help alleviate that type of fear, by offering someone a new hope, a new chance at health. 

Do I have fear about the surgery?  Yes, here and there I have twinges, but honestly it’s nothing compared to the type of fear I’ve felt before with the unknown factors of a life-threatening disease.  Donating a kidney is not a disease, it’s something you do because you are very healthy, and then you recover from the operation.  It’s just not that scary.